Aruba

7/30
Tonight is our second night in Aruba.  It has been a great experience.  The people here are warm and friendly, more hospitable than I would have ever imagined.

After two nights of "revival" with the Arubian Methodist churches I have struggled to feel the Holy Spirit. I know it is here in the people we have met and the ministry they are doing and among the people in our traveling band of preachers but I am realizing, even in this beautiful place, my skepticism runs deep.  I felt this the first night but was trying to withhold judgment but this feeling remains.  Last night it felt that the service was manufactured and "evangelistic" by formula.  It seemed just like every other revival I have ever been to minus the " if you died tonight" and sinners prayer. The songs, the cadence volume and tone of the caller are all the same. I was fine the first night until the very end when it came time for the altar call.  But, I just couldn't put my finger on what it was.  Tonight I felt it again. Formulaic and somewhat insincere.  I have begun to realize through conversations with the others in our group that this may be holdover feelings from my previous experience at events like this, especially from my childhood.
I have been that person in tears on my knees at the front of the church.  I am sure it seemed sincere in the moment but non the less unchanged..... Always, tomorrow came and it was the same as before.  I realize it is easy to get caught up in the excitement of the moment and the emotions run high.  I have no doubt that God can work that way, and for some, sudden change may last.  I am confident that God will use this experience to work miracles in this community but I remain skeptical of the formula we call revival worship, and the long term effects events like this have on individuals and churches.

I realize that some people do have Damascus road conversion experiences but mine was more of the emmaus road type of conversion experience.  I have been at that altar many times but never really understood and accepted the love and grace of Christ until I had time to process and that was a slow realization for me.

I did really enjoy the messages, music and especially the personal testimonies.  It amazed me how much I related to both Mark and Sheryl's stories.  I love that even though God calls us each in a personal way, it is still recognizable in the stories of others.